insight, Uncategorized

Problems with food

I was on pintrest this afternoon, and i saw a “thinsperation” pin on my feed that just looked too thin, so I clicked on it to see what was up. It turned out to be a pro-anna link and it made me so sad…

In my early 20’s I developed terrible eating habits that slowly led to an “eating problem”. I worked 10 hours a day 7days a week and the only lunch break I could snag was in between customers. My regular shift was 11am-9pm and eating just wasn’t top priority. Since I was losing weight I was happy and since I was still eating periodically I didn’t see it as a problem. After I had my first daughter I Really wanted to get back to my pre-baby weight and I discovered the master cleanse! It was great I lose 30lb in no time at all, but the problem came when I would cleanse every weekend and eat next to nothing all week.

It took me 2 consecutive pregnancies (to break the habit) and realizing the message I was sending my kids to see that I maybe did have a problem. I have always been weird about my weight I was never happy with it and always thought I would look better thinner. THE CATCH though, is if you have a body image issue it doesn’t matter how thin you get you wont be happy.

I remember looking in the mirror and thinking “wow, my hips look nasty why are they so boney” at that point I weighed in at 115lbs. That was about the time I became pregnant again and again and not only did I face my fear of hitting that 200lb mark but I proved to my self that I could lose the weight healthfully and naturally with out turning to starvation to do it.

I big part of my success was accepting my curves, my body and the way that it was meant to be. I am a short 5’3” my comfortable resting weight is 135 and I am happier now with my image and the message I am sending to my daughters then I ever was at any other weight.

Accepting my self was IMPERITIVE to my happiness. Now don’t get me wrong. It is a struggle every day to not want to take the easy road and lose a few lbs with some good old fashioned malnutrition… BUT more important than my vanity or my want to “just lose 5 lbs” is my need to NEVER hear the words “mommy why aren’t you having dinner with us”.

I will not be the cause of a child or any one to question her appearance because we are all beautiful. JUST THE WAY WE ARE.

 

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