insight, Unconventional Parenting

Happy Marriage tips from a 9 year veteran.

Today Ryan and I celebrate our 9 year wedding anniversary (11 years all together) and I couldn’t be more excited (we have a baby sitter!!!:D:D) Just like any relationship we have hit some rough patches HOWEVER he is absolutely my best friend, my #1 favorite person and my biggest inspiration.

With in an hour of meeting him I knew he was the most interesting man I had ever met. With in 3 months I knew I wanted to marry him and in 6 months we were engaged. It isn’t often when reality exceeds your own expectations, at least not for me.

This man makes me a better person and ALWAYS encourages me to peruse my dreams no matter how ridiculous or outlandish they are (which is great because my natural resting state of mind is some where between those two things).

I am thankful every day that he not only supports our way of life but encourages it. Stay at home mom-ing, our constant chaotic creative atmosphere, my crazy and the values of family that are rooted so deeply to our core. I love that he is a musician, that he is ambitious, his passion for life and his amazing sense of humor.

us

However all that got me thinking about why our relationship has been so successful, therefore I came up with a list. A list that I will one day show our children because these are the things that made the biggest impact for us!

  1. Communication: We talk about every thing. If we are happy, sad, mad, we talk about it. I joke that he is my human Xanax because he has this way of always making me feel better.  In the event that I am *legitimately* acting a little outrageous he grabs my shoulders, looks me in the eye and says “You need to breath. You need to calm down and breath.” It works every time.

  2. Shared Interests: This is one that is easy at first but as time goes by it is more important than ever to do things together. Get into what each other are into. If you allow a divide you start leading separate lives. I learned to appreciate and enjoy sports ball for him and he does so many things just because I’m in to it. It really means the world to me!

  3. Mutual Appreciation: Every one wants to be appreciated for what we bring to the table, especially when we bring different things. Also, I have found that it is all the little things that matter most. When he helps with the chores, or he brings me home my favorite drink just because. Or he will pick me up sharpies because he knows I like to use them when I obsessively compile color codded lists and charts! It makes us both want to continue doing nice things for each other. Its a beautiful cycle.

  4. Trust: If you cant trust each other you are standing on a crumbling foundation. You both need to know that when the other isn’t around that there is no cause for concern and that you all always have each others best interest at heart. This one took me a while.

  5.  Positive mind set: PROMOTE SYNERGY! (I’m so sorry I couldn’t help my self) You have to want to be happy to be happy. If you are determined to be unhappy or to not find the bright side there isn’t any thing any one else can do to help. It will just exhaust you.

  6. Humor: Laughing is cathartic, having inside jokes , funny stories and playing together is so important. You must have fun!

  7. Attraction (AKA Special Naughty Time): This is another one that comes easily at first, but as your plate fills, thig’s get busier, you have kids, and things get even more busy it can be easier to let this one fall off your list of priorities. HOWEVER let’s be real… you have to want to be intimate. It is a very special bond that is reserved for just the two of you 😉

  8. Team Work: I consult him on ALOT. From feelings to projects to parenting. I value his opinion and admire his perspective. He see’s the world from a different angle than I do which helps me be a more rounded individual. I also know that ultimately we are fighting for the same things in this life therefore I can trust him 100%.

  9. Selflessness: The well being of your significant other should be your top priority. I do it for the kids all of the time but your husband/wife needs to also feel like to you, they come first. With out them your life would be completely different.

  10. Pro-activeness: If you foresee a serious or potentially serious issue it is important to discuss and game plan rather than waiting for it to snowball. Isn’t prevention the best cure?!

  11. Compromise: It’s all a give and a take. Financially, emotionally. You will both need different things at different times, you cant expect one person to do all of the compromising.

Any way… These are the things that we constantly try to work on. Every couple is different and if you have any advice that I missed I would be so happy to hear it! Feel free to leave a comment and discuss!

 

From <https://wordpress.com/post/thescatterdotnet.wordpress.com>

 

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